


Back Then

by sn0wghost



Category: Ghostbusters, Ghostbusters Answer The Call, ghostbusters 2016
Genre: Angst, Bullying, F/F, Love, Passion, Past, Romance, Safety, angsty, venting, warmth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-08-18 13:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8163530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sn0wghost/pseuds/sn0wghost
Summary: Erin Gilbert. Columbia Professor, and Ghost Girl.(I'm better at writing stories than summaries.)





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m proud of you, Erin,” Abby’s warm hands are wrapped tightly around Erin’s waist, her body pressed against Erin’s back, comfort and memories and the same smell of jasmine from all those years ago, that always seemed to follow her wherever she went, “You didn’t have to tell them about any of that stuff, but you did. You didn’t even cry. That’s amazing.”

 

After confessing to Patty and Holtz about the years of therapy, exclusion, torture that she went through as a child, Erin had retreated to her bedroom and fought back wave after wave of nausea. Tears choked down, body shaking, limbs threatening to convulse of their own volition. A small part of her still clawed at her throat, at her muscles, to break down and out, explode into a thousand pieces until nothing was left but the ghost of everything she was told she must be.

 

But it was softer now, quietened down by knees pressed into the back of hers, fingers absentmindedly tugging at the hem of her button-up, the warmth of familiarity and safety envolping all of her sense and taking over. It wasn’t all consuming, but it was enough. Enough was enough, it was all Erin wanted. It was all Erin had wanted for years, truth be told. This vessel of human kindness, strength, dependability, happiness. The sunshine of her solar system. Sure, Columbia had kept her busy enough that she was rarely able to think on it; a few academic boyfriends here and there, to entertain with chatter of “real” science and “proper” physics; even a pet cockatiel had kept some of the darkness at bay for a while, until time demands meant that Mr. E had to go to a new home.

 

None of it compared to Abby. Not even a little. It was like holding a tealight aside a bonfire.

When the words of the past came up from the floorboards, seeping around Erin’s ankles and crawling up her legs like poisonous vines; when the darkness of the night settled on her shoulders and whispered barbed threats; when guilt wrapped it’s vice-like grip around her neck and choked up all her breath.  _ Abby, Abby, Abby. _

 

It was now, encased in her, that Erin felt safe enough to visit the most tempestuous period of her life, “Hey, Abby, about back then…”


	2. The Night Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the night before it all went wrong...

College bound, full of readiness and still so much willing; sitting side by side, mouths agape and hands clutching at each other, the air, anything they could grasp.  _ It’s never been proven, and likely never will be…  _ the last words of the documentary fading out, as ideas and formula sparked within the girls minds.

“We could do it! We could prove it!” Glasses fogged up with excitement, Abby turned with desperate and unbridled enthusiasm to her friend, “We have almost everything together, let’s go!”

“A-... Abby? We can’t… We can’t just go!” A frown etched on both faces, for different reasons, “We don’t have the car anymore, none of our equipment is ready, we....” Who knew one lip-jutting mouth held so much persuasion, “... fine! But we have to wait until the morning after the interview, okay? If we’re going, we’ve got to walk. There’s no way I’m walking through those woods in the dark.”

“Oh, Erin, I could kiss you!”

  
“Why don’t you?”

  
“What?”

  
“... What?”   
  
“Do you … do you mean it?” Those rosy red cheeks, and eyes so blue Anish Kapoor wasn’t allowed to even think about them, giving Abby depths to drown in and worlds to explore far more fantastic than any book she could ever read, “Erin, do you-”

Fevered pink lips, frenzied hands, a hurricane of years of hidden wants and needs finally given in to; Erin’s body was left shaking, her chest dancing as she leaned against Abby’s frame; love and warmth and warmth and her and warmth and love and  _ Abby Abby Abby Abby… _

Waking in the morning, hair tousled, mouth bruised, curled into the form of her best friend, Erin was struck with everything she feared she would feel. This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t right! Before the light could creep through the window, a slender form crept silently across the cold floorboards, bare feet padding through an empty house, one hand running through a tangle of curls and the other barely clutching the remains of all that was before this happened.

It was everything she had wanted. The night was alive with everything they had promised each other. Electricity and excitement, love and laughter, it wasn’t fair that when the light came back, so did Erin’s fears. As the sun rose, so did all the nasty words, the horrible thoughts, the gestures and ideas, the  _ judgements.  _ Her parents… her grandparents… she had let everyone down.

_ Walk of Shame  _ wasn’t a term Erin was familiar with; but she knew it. She knew exactly what it was, now. Guilt ripped her open, pulled apart her fragile nerves. Tears tracked down her face, knees shaking and threatening to give way under her body.

  
No one would ever find out. She would never go back to therapy.  _ Never. _


	3. We Are Now

“It’s okay, Erin, it’s okay. I know why you did it. You were scared. We were both scared.”

“But even all of that doesn’t give me any excuse! Abby!”

Abby’s hands tightened on cloth, her body tensed and scared, afraid to live through the days that still kept her awake at night, “Don’t, Erin, you don’t have t-”

 

“I know,” A moment of shuffling, rearranging, Erin desperate to confess to a face and not just the empty darkness in front, “I know, Abby, but I want to.” Eyes locking, forehead pressed to forehead, hearts pounding and breath caught on the precipice of something so incredibly dangerous.

 

“I ran. I took everything I could, and I bolted before the bed even had a chance to cool down,” Erin’s mouth barely opened, the words half-choked on tears threatening to fall on both their faces, “My life wasn’t … but that’s … it’s no excuse. I have no reason - no excuse - I can’t keep pretending like you were at fault. It was me. I’m so, so sorry.”

 

Tender fingers ran across Erin’s cheeks, gentle hands cupping her chin, a soft smile caught on the lips and eyes of her companion, “I’ve waited my entire life to hear you say that, Bert.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to finish this off, the first chapter was too open-ended. I guess, now it isn't.  
> I won't be continuing this particular thing. I might do (I will do, ha) more Yatesbert in future. But for now, this one is at it's end.
> 
>  
> 
> .... yes. I did give Erin a non-canon nickname from Abby. I like to headcanon she's called Ernie, in response.

**Author's Note:**

> I've left this open-ended because I /might/ add another chapter or two. For now, it is what it is, though.


End file.
